woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
