she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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