No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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