Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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