worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
