I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
