I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
