Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
