his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
