let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
