I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
