he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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