Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
