I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
