I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
