my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
