You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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