Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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