his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
