Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
