No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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