New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's rum buckets o'clock
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
