I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
