I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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