FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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