I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
