I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
