I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
