Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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