i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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