best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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