we have pet lesbian snakes
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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