just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
