I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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