Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
