I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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