I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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