I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
