We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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