i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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