we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
