it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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