she looked like the bat from fern gully.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
