I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
