her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
