i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
