I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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