I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
