did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize
