Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
