To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
