Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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