I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
