Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
