I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
