I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
