Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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