I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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