it wasn't lemon gatorade
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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