I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
