Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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