who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He did a backflip because drugs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
