Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm having to shit out rocks
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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