So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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