when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
