Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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