The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
